Disclaimer: This post is going to be long and wordy with very few or almost no pictures at all!!
My initial purpose when I started writing a blog is so that I could actually use it as a diary where I could just pour out my thoughts, experience, etc. Most of the time, it turned out to be filled by my random travel experiences. I think today, I want to abuse it by writing some random thoughts, accumulating frustration, gratitudes and the list goes on. Though a diary is meant to be for selected or private audience, such as myself. However, I would like to share this with other people who might happen to experience the same thing with me in the past, at the present or in the future after you read this, you might *ahem refer it you your own experience and hopefully, find it to be helpful.
When I had my first part time job as a student in the beginning of my one and a half years living in Melbourne, Australia, I was lucky enough to get a part time job with a decent pay to support my living cost and I also got to know so many role models whom I looked up to. I couldn't thank God enough that I have met so many great friends throughout my stay here. I used to work from 6 am to 12 noon as a wait staff in a hotel and I was so used to be greeted by the receptionists who happen to be brothers. They were such lovely people and both of them have teenage daughters. My work colleague in the restaurant within that hotel is a single mom who works two jobs to support her two teenage children and she is most probably THE second most hard working mom I have ever known. First one being my own mother.
I worked with them for a year before a tragedy happened. One day I turned up at work and my colleague told me "Shane is not with us anymore". My initial thought was, what??? He left the job or what? She looked down and shook her head and told me, no.... He died last night, committed suicide. I froze.... Not being able to utter a single word. I was shocked, couldn't believe, didn't want to believe. My mind projected a flashback to my brain... His jokes, his laughs, his cheekiness and then a blank face shown in my mind... At that time, I wondered, what would his daughter look like, how would she feel. All I know was that he was divorced. I still didn't know how to cope with it. He wasn't somebody I was close with. We barely had any conversation longer than 5 minutes every week, but I was so used to be greeted by him every week, chatted and laughed for a bit. I couldn't stop asking myself why???
Then I thought to myself, he must had been keeping it for himself for quite some time. He must had been so lonely. He must had been depressed for quite some time but everyone failed to notice, including his own brother. He didn't show any sign of withdrawal days before he died. He was so normal just like the way he had always been. No one could tell, but I thought to myself, he must had been screaming for help, for someone to notice his agony feeling inside. Then, he decided to give up... to release himself from the agony feelings but he didn't realize... The people he left behind... The LIVING people he left behind. His family, his brother, his daughter...
On the funeral day, my colleagues and I attended the funeral service. It was full of tears.. Though I wasn't close to him at all, but before I knew it, my tears fell like a waterfall when I saw his face on the video they were playing to commemorate his presence. He was laughing in the video, happily. Then, a young girl came out.. No guesses needed, it must be his daughter and I was right, the only one. Before the burial service, she came out and sang a song "Bubbly by Colbie Caillat". She was so strong or at least tried to be at such a young age. I could imagine she wanted to break down while singing but she stayed strong and finished the entire song with such a pleasant voice.
So why am I telling this story?? Sometime ago, one of my close friends told me she was having some troubles. She felt like no one could help her and that she was facing a dead end. She told me no one could understand her. It was like a dejavu as soon as I spotted a few signs. At that time, we were living in the same country. I could rush to her and be a company for her. All I could do was to verbally support her. I told her, this is just a journey, an experience that anyone will have to go through at some stage again and again. It is life... but you know what?? 5 years from now, you would look back at your old self and laugh. You would think how silly you were that you got easily upset over small things and how it wasn't the end of the world really. As long as you are willing to initiate changes and don't want to get stuck, you will be fine. She told me her situation wasn't progressing and wasn't going anywhere. That was when I realized I had to persuade her to see a professional and be brave. I wished I could be there for her but at that time, there was nothing I could do but to verbally support her. She actually wanted help as well that was why she talked to me about it and I was glad because thinking back to what happened to Shane. He chose not to tell anyone that he had problems and that it was okay to share it with someone!
I was glad that my friend was willing to seek for a professional help though the experience was brief but just to have someone who unconditionally listens to your problem without being judgmental is crucial. I am glad that till date I could talk to my friend and she wasn't as lost as she used to be anymore. I am glad that she found a partner who could be there for her when she is feeling down and her partner could emotionally support her while me, being a friend who are miles away can't. She is still one of my best friends till date and all I want is to see her being care-free and happy!
I am not saying that I don't have problems myself. Everyone does and it is completely our choice to make it seems like our problem is bigger than others when it is a HUGE misconception and not true at all. Who are we to judge whose problem is bigger than whose? Our mind could be a little angel or a little devil but should we let either one take over the entire decision? NO! Sometimes I feel exhausted over the problems I have but recently I received a phone call from an ex-colleague whom I only worked for 3 weeks with. He told me he is going back to his hometown for good. I feel sad but more when he told me he enjoyed working with me and he thought highly of me (please do not misunderstand because my ex-colleague is a married man!) He asked me not to ever change and that I am a great person who could do so much more. I am not so thick-skinned as to admit that I am a great person, okay.... All I am saying is, when I thought that I have so many issues, obstacles etc. Just a word of encouragement from someone you don't know well is far greater than from those whom you know very well because you know that they just want to comfort you whereas those coming off someone you don't know well are genuine words and purely think that you are what they think you are.
I immediately received a boost in confidence afterwards because I know there is someone out there who cares about me just as much as my friends/best friends do.
Then, I learned to appreciate and trust people around me more. Until sometime ago, I have trust issues.. I don't think I could trust anyone and think that people just want to take advantage out of me and if they can't anymore, I could be easily replaceable. However, most recently I thought to myself why am I being so stubborn and always put up my guards against anyone?? It's true I have seen a lot of betrayals, carelessness, all self-inflicted. However, I have recently thought to myself, sometimes people are nice to you because they think you are worth being nice towards to and not just simply want something out of you. Although the latter part could be right but still, it could just be a genuine feeling As long as you have done everything you could for the person, be it your friends, colleagues, partners etc, they will trust that you are worth being nice towards to. I received yet another phone call from a friend who just wanted to talk about his/her concerns and this time, I was actually told "I just want to talk about it". To be honest, that was the most genuine expression I have ever heard in my entire life, that someone is willing to actually pick up the phone, dial a number and just talk about their problems, frustrations, exchange ideas, advices, etc. I thought to myself again as I felt frustrated earlier in the day, there you go again, I am not the only one who have problem.
What I find very common among friends is that, when someone is having a problem, they don't want to listen to other people's problem because they think to themselves, I have enough problems, I don't have time to listen to other people's craps. However, for quite some time now, I discovered that when you listen to other people's concerns, you could actually imply the solution onto your own situation. While helping others find their solution, without realizing it, you actually are helping yourself sorting out your own issues. I think the act of listening unconditionally is more of a proactive approach rather than passive and it is a difficult thing to do because everyone knows how to listen to others but not many people know how to listen unconditionally. However, once you master it, you will be surprised on how it could change your perspective in terms of handling a challenging situation. It has definitely helped me define myself more, hence I am the person I am today (:
Remember one thing, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, NEVER! As long as you are willing to put yourself out there and reach your hands out to others, someone will reach out their hands to you eventually....
